Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Medley of Absurd Side Quests
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just a brutally realistic medieval RPG; it's a comedic masterpiece brimming with unexpected absurdity. The following recounts some of the most ludicrous side quests encountered during my Bohemian escapades. Spoiler-free, these tales showcase the game's unpredictable charm.
Table of Contents
- Laboring for Untalented Troubadours
- Rescuing a Boozy Hunter (and Delivering Him to the Tavern)
- Philosophizing with a Dog After a Polovtsian Encounter
- The Price of Petty Theft
- A Stolen Horse and a Gypsy's Porridge
Laboring for Untalented Troubadours
Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, fighting arena, and tavern, is home to two indolent troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination. Their aspirations, however, lack funding, instruments, and artistic direction.
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Henry, ever the helpful protagonist, embarks on a quest to aid these aspiring musicians. This involves lute theft (risking arrest and reputational damage), procuring sheep gut strings, and even hauling sacks to settle their tavern debt. Their reward for Henry's efforts? A soul-crushingly boring song about his mundane tasks. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing a Boozy Hunter (and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern)
Those aforementioned lute strings? Crafted by Vojtěch, a hunter who, after a drunken encounter with wolves, found himself clinging to a tree. The intended rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and assisting his sobriety. However, I chose a different path.
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I hauled Vojtěch, injured and irate, directly to the tavern. His displeasure was palpable. He refused further aid and limped off, later offering only a "fine view" as compensation for my "help."
Philosophizing with a Dog After a Polovtsian Encounter
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The Polovtsians, responsible for Henry's family's tragedy, were encountered in a tavern. My initial rage quickly dissipated as I found myself socializing, matchmaking, and drunkenly singing with them. Then, a talking dog appeared, launching into a philosophical lecture and challenging me to a lake swim. The ensuing "Don't Drown!" quest was punctuated by fits of laughter.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
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After mastering stealth, a single botched heist transformed me into Bohemia's most wanted. The evidence? Flashy accessories and lingering smells. A guard's accusation led to a tense interrogation, narrowly avoided thanks to quick thinking (and a lack of thorough cleanup).
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
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A stolen horse, a sleeping gypsy horse trader, and a runaway steed. My attempt to sell the horse involved waiting for dawn and witnessing Mikolaj's leisurely porridge consumption. The eventual sale was a testament to perseverance (and the absurdity of the situation).
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
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These are just glimpses into the game's unique charm. Every action, no matter how insignificant, has unforeseen consequences. From rescuing inebriated hunters to philosophical debates with canines, Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 provides endless entertainment. Its immersive realism ensures each playthrough is a unique and hilarious adventure. Bohemia awaits!
